This week we have a podcast treat for you!
I recently sat down to be interviewed by Rob Weiss, PhD for his podcast Sex, Love and Addiction 101. We talked about an incredibly common issue faced by betrayed partners – the issue of attachment ambivalence.
Attachment ambivalence is about betrayed partners’ core need for relational safety and security from the very person who has erased it. After experiencing betrayal, your survival instinct is now at war with itself. On the one hand, your deepest source of safety comes from being connected to your partner. When you are connected, you feel safe, open, able, and supported. Safety demands that you move close and restore connection.
However, now your partner is also your greatest danger. Instead of protecting you from the tiger as they promised they became the tiger and mauled you. Instead of having your back, they turned and twisted the knife in to the hilt. What if they hurt you again? Safety demands that you move away and distance yourself from this ongoing threat.
This is the relational dilemma created by betrayal. The ambivalence you now feel about your significant other is what can make your feelings and behavior unpredictable, chaotic, and confusing, even to yourself. To learn more: