One of the most compelling issues underlying infidelity is the way in which cheaters’ self-perception and feelings change in the moment of sexually acting out. As a result, one of …
Why Cheaters Cheat, Part 2 Understanding the Arousal Template
WHY CHEATERS CHEAT PART 2: UNDERSTANDING THE AROUSAL TEMPLATE Author, speaker, and educator Patrick Carnes, PhD, defines the arousal template as “the total constellation of thoughts, images, behaviors, sounds, smells, …
WHY CHEATERS CHEAT (HINT: IT’S NOT ABOUT THE SEX)
One of the biggest questions haunting betrayed partners, often for months and even years after discovery of the betrayal, is why. Why did he cheat? Why did she have that …
As Summer draws to a close…
Hello from the beach!! It has been several weeks since a new blog post has posted to PartnerHope. I have been taking September to have some much needed R&R at …
Culture-Based Attachment Shaming
Part of the attachment shame that partners experience comes from living within a culture that denies the significance of their attachments and the level of negative impact that results from severing them.
Factors Contributing to Attachment Shame Part 2: Am I Staying or Am I Stuck?
This week we are going to look at a second key issue that can create attachment shame: staying as a choice or staying because you are stuck.
Factors Contributing to Attachment Shame, Part 1
Looking at attachment shame helps us understand more about the dynamics of attachment ambivalence and the all-too-common dance of connection and disconnection. But it does not help us answer the core question that betrayed partners wrestle with: What does the betrayal say about me?
Attachment Shame and Relational Connection
This week we are going to look at the other side of attachment ambivalence – reaching for connection with the cheating partner – and the way that connection can also create feelings of shame.
Musings on the Sex after Betrayal Intensive
In June we held the first Sex After Betrayal: Reclaiming Your Sexual Self therapy intensive at the Center for Relational Recovery. It was a transformative five days of learning, growing, stretching, hoping and risking. As we wrapped up our time together and I reflected on all that had happened, there were several things that struck me. Below are some of my musings as a result of spending time with the amazing group of women who participated.
Attachment Shame and Disconnection
This week we are going to look at the attachment shame that is felt when relational disconnection happens.